Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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