are you so shy because you have an std?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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