he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
