When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
