My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
