How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
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He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
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We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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