If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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