Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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