Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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