i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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