Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
