i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
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The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
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We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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