sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
