Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
