Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
