It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
