we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
