Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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