At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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