She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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