He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
