But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
