Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
