Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
worst night to have a conscience
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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