You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
