On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
