I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My ass is underappreciated
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
