What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
