Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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