I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
