i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
