Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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