I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
