Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
