Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
