I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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