Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
