i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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