Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he fucked my hip out of place.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
