The maid of honor just puked.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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