i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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