I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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