I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
