nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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