i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
