He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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