Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
