that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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