I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
