the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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