apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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