I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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