It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
