Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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