Non-Jews are for practice
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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