Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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