Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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