Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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