Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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