There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
