My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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