Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Lo siento on account of my penis...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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