I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
