Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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