They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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