There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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