I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
