Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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