Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
