2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You smell like stripper and shame
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
