if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
