Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
