so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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