So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
