Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
