Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
