I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm at about main and main street
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
