woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
