the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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