Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
