he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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