Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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