Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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