If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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