I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Randomize
