I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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